


Northanger Abbey: The Series

by Eglantine



Category: Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 05:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eglantine/pseuds/Eglantine
Summary: A podcast presented by Cathy Morland.(Or: a modern AU, wherein Cathy Morland creates a podcast to investigate the rumors that the powerful General Tilney murdered his wife at their estate, Northanger Abbey, nine years ago.)





	Northanger Abbey: The Series

(Music. Delicate sounds, like piano or chimes, but at a driving pace.)

 

CATHY (voice over): In July 1985, then-Captain Frederick Tilney married Miss Eleanor Stapleton. He was an up-and-coming young officer, well-regarded by his superiors and well-placed for advancement thanks to his talent and his descent from a long line of officers. Her father was a hedge fund manager, wealthy and well-known. 

Friends described Miss Stapleton as lively, vivacious, and fun. This is borne out by her occasional appearances in the tabloids—never the focus of attention herself, but present in the company of more notorious names. It was enough to ensure that her marriage drew some attention, and several photographs of the young couple’s simple wedding were published.  

After the marriage, friends from school stopped hearing from her. The couple had three children. Captain Tilney eventually became General Tilney. It was frequently noted that he did not usually attend events of any kind in the company of his wife.

 Nine years ago, in her home, late at night, Mrs. Tilney suddenly died. Despite claims of a long illness, no doctor was called to the Tilney estate that night. Friends and neighbors insisted that they had never heard that she was ill. Two days after her death, General Tilney returned to his duties. The death didn’t make the tabloids, and if you Google it now, you won’t find much: her obituary on a few newspapers’ websites, an announcement of her school’s alumnae page. And one comment, on a local newspaper article about General Tilney:

“Isn’t that the guy who killed his wife?”

I’m Cathy Morland, and this is Northanger Abbey.

 

(Music.)

 

CATHY (voice-over): It turns out that it’s more than just one random internet commenter. Once you start digging there are whispers about General Tilney all over the place. His odd conduct after his wife’s death. Local anecdotes about the way he was seen to treat her in public—and, supposedly, in private. 

But I decided to start at the beginning.

 

(Sounds of a public street: cars going by.)

 

_WOMAN: Hello! Catherine Morland?_

_CATHY: Yes, Cathy, hi!_

_WOMAN: Welcome! So lovely to meet you, just this way…_

 

CATHY (voice-over): General and Mrs. Tilney were married in Bath, where General Tilney’s family has long had a house. He spends a fair bit of time here, I’m told. I wanted to see if I could find any additional information about their wedding in the city where it happened.

But it turned out I’d walked into something even better than that.

 

_WOMAN: So what brings you to Bath? You mentioned research?_

 

CATHY (voice-over): That’s my Airbnb host, Mrs. Allen.

 

_CATHY: Yeah, um. I’m doing a project about—about General Tilney? I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but—_

_MRS. ALLEN: General Tilney! Well of course I have! A local boy. Well, he’s not really local, but he’s often here so we like to think of him that way, you know. I don’t know him myself, of course, but I do know_ of _him. General Tilney, how nice. You know, his son is here in town this week._

 

CATHY (voice-over; there is now a bit of light background noise—quiet conversation, clinking ceramic, and occasional mechanical whirring suggest a cafe): General Tilney has three children: two sons and a daughter. I hadn’t been able to find much information about any of them except the oldest, also called Frederick, who followed his father into the military.

 

_CATHY: What, really? Frederick?_

_MRS. ALLEN: Fred? No, I don’t think it is… I think it’s Henry._

_CATHY: Henry…_

CATHY (voice-over; still with background noise): Henry is the younger son. He’s one of the ones I couldn’t find much about, except that he is or recently was a graduate student at Oxford in the Faculty of Theology and Religion, so… possibly a bit intense. My brother James actually went to Oxford, too, but he says he never encountered Henry Tilney there.

_MRS. ALLEN: Have you met them? Lovely children, just lovely._

_CATHY: No, I haven’t had the chance. Maybe I’ll try…_

_MRS. ALLEN: Oh, I’m sure they’d be delighted to help with your project!_

CATHY (voice-over; still with background noise): I had my doubts about that. But the coincidence was too perfect. I wanted to find Henry Tilney… but I just wasn’t sure how.

Brief pause to offer my apologies for the sound here… there was some construction just outside my window at Mrs. Allen’s, and this was the next-quietest public place I could find, but hopefully it won’t be too—

 

MAN: How’s it going?

 

CATHY: What? Um, hello?

 

MAN: You recording something?

 

_CATHY (voice-over, this time with a clean background): It’s… sort of convoluted to explain how this conversation came about, so I’m just going to let you listen to it all._

 

CATHY: Um… yes. Sorry, I’ll just—

 

MAN: What is it?

 

(Sound of a chair being dragged out, slight shifting of the table: he has sat down.)

 

CATHY: Oh! Um, um, it’s… a podcast?

 

MAN: A what?

 

CATHY: You know, a podcast? Like, um, on your phone? A—a—a serialized storytelling— you know, like radio, or um, like episodes of TV, only… audio.

 

MAN: Right right right. Those.

 

CATHY: I’m making a podcast.

 

MAN: Wow, really? Like, um, you know, what’s that one. The famous one?

 

CATHY: Serial?

 

MAN: Yes! Wow, that?

 

CATHY: Right, that.

 

MAN: But you’re English.

 

CATHY: Um... yes, I am.

 

MAN: Wow, okay. I thought that was American.

 

CATHY: Yeah, they’re about America, yeah.

 

MAN: Wow. That’s… I mean, I haven’t listened to it, right, but I’ve heard of it. My sister is totally obsessed with that shit. All those podcasts about murder and things. I remember her talking about that one, though-- Serial, right? It was a big fucking thing.

 

CATHY: Yeah, it was, I guess. I mean, it’s definitely sort of what put me on this, this, you know… path…

 

MAN: I’m John, by the way. Thorpe.

 

CATHY: Oh, um, nice to meet you? I’m Cathy.

 

JOHN: Cathy what?

 

CATHY: What?

 

JOHN: So I can find you on Facebook or something later.

 

CATHY: Oh, um… Morland.

 

JOHN: Morland? Really? Morland?

 

CATHY: Yes…

 

JOHN: James Morland? Do you know him?

 

CATHY: What? I—maybe? That’s—I mean, my brother is called James.

 

JOHN: Wait. Hang on. One second, hang on. (sounds of typing on an iPhone) Wait a second… just wait a second… bloody 7 plus, supposed to be the fastest out there and this is the best it can do… you like the jet black, though? Think it’s pretty fucking classy myself.

 

CATHY: Yes, it looks very nice.

 

JOHN: Here you are! Cathy Morland. I like your profile picture.

 

CATHY: Oh… thanks…

 

JOHN: One mutual friend! That’s what I thought! Get this, Cathy: your brother is dating my sister.

 

CATHY: What? Are you serious?

 

JOHN: Yes! He’s coming here to Bath to meet us.

 

CATHY: Wha—wow! It’s— well, it’s really nice to meet you, then, John!

 

JOHN: So what’s your new podcast about?

 

CATHY: Oh, it’s about, um… have you ever heard of General Tilney?

 

JOHN: Yeah, of course. Of course I have.

 

CATHY: And the rumors about him?

 

JOHN: Of course.

 

CATHY: Right, so. It’s about that. Exploring that.

 

JOHN: Wow. Brilliant. That’s great. That’s really, great, you know.

 

CATHY: Oh, thank you. I, um, I just learned that his son, Henry, is in town. So I’m hoping I can, you know, maybe find some way to meet him or something.

 

JOHN: I know him.

 

CATHY: What? Really? Henry Tilney?

 

JOHN: Yep. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Know him for sure. You know, he’s probably going to be at this party tonight. At my friends’ house. Pretty much everyone of a certain— you know, a certain circle of people here in Bath, you know. They’ll all be there. Henry Tilney will definitely be there. And you know, your brother, if he gets here in time, he’ll definitely be there, too.

 

CATHY: Oh! That’s—do you think I could… do you think there’s any way I could…?

 

JOHN: Yes. Yes, absolutely. If you give me your number, I’ll text you the address right now…

 

(Conversation fades out.)

 

CATHY: I couldn’t believe it. I don’t really believe in fate, but this was sure starting to seem like fate. At the very least, it was an epic, thrilling coincidence. I’d planned to go to the library that afternoon, but I was too excited. I spent the day preparing how I might broach the topic of an interview with Henry Tilney instead… just in case I had the chance to meet him.

 

(Fade in sounds of a house party: loud music, loud conversation.

A shift: the music becomes muffled, heard through a closed door, but still audible.)

 

CATHY: So I’m at the party right now. I’m not sure if Henry Tilney is here yet. It’s, um… a little bit awkward. Since I don’t know anybody. So I found this room down the hall and I decided to just test out the sound a bit, just in case… well, you know, just in case.

Ironically since I like doing interviews I’m really quite bad at talking to strangers in, um, in social settings.

This music’s pretty loud in the background but I think actually it’s sounding alright.

 

(The door opens; the music gets a little louder and clearer, but still not overwhelming.)

 

CATHY: Ah! Sorry!

 

MAN (overlapping): Oh, sorry! Really sorry, I didn’t realize this room was in use.

 

CATHY: No, come in, sorry, let me just move my—

 

MAN: It’s alright. You’re alright. Seriously, leave it. I couldn’t get any service in there, I’m just trying to see if I can find a spot that will let me send a text… definitely need a new phone plan, eh? Can’t send a single bloody… I haven’t found a single carrier that will function out at my dad’s place in the middle of nowhere but also in, you know, a normal city where you’d think it wouldn’t be any sort of problem.

 

CATHY: Gosh, yeah. I hate that feeling…

 

MAN: Are you okay in here?  


CATHY: Oh, yes, thank you.

 

MAN: You don’t need help getting home or something?

 

CATHY: No! Oh, no, I’m just… it was just getting a bit loud out there.

 

MAN: Yeah. Bit over-capacity, isn’t it. Don’t think the room was designed for cramming that many people in. Do you want me to shut the door?

 

CATHY: No, that’s alright! You can… I mean, you might as well try to, to, um, send your text.

 

MAN: Right. Shit, sorry. You know, I haven’t made the proper sort of beginning at all.

 

CATHY: What do you mean?

 

MAN: I haven’t asked any of the questions someone’s supposed to ask when they’re meeting a girl at a party. Here, let me start again.

 

CATHY: Oh, that’s really… this is just fine, honestly…

 

MAN: No, I must. I am devoted to the proper forms of things, you see. Right, so I have to start out with: you from here?

 

CATHY: Uh… no, I’m from Wiltshire.

 

MAN: Wiltshire! I’ve got a mate from Wiltshire.

 

CATHY: Oh, really?

 

MAN: No, but it’s hard to know where to go from that unless I do, so let’s just press on with that so we can get this part over with.

 

CATHY (laughing): Right, okay. What’s your mate’s name?

 

MAN: Danny Smith. You know him? --go ahead and say yes.

 

CATHY: Yes!

 

MAN: Wow! Old Danny.

 

CATHY: Old Danny.

 

(A pause.)

 

MAN: And then we both realize that our mutual knowledge of Danny gets us no closer to knowing each other. Let’s do this next bit as a lightning round. Staying long?

 

CATHY: Not sure.

 

MAN: Enjoying the party?

 

CATHY: Sort of.

 

MAN: Enjoying Bath?

 

CATHY: Yes.

 

MAN: Right, glad that’s out of the way. (Cathy laughing) I don’t know why you’re laughing. I know for sure this is how it’s meant to go, I’ve seen it happen over and over.

Hey, are you recording this? Am I being Periscoped to all your girlfriends and they’re all back in Wiltshire laughing at what a dick I am?

 

CATHY: No! I was recording something else and… I’ll just…

 

MAN: No, leave it. It’s best to have the transcription so you can Tweet more precisely about this later.

 

CATHY: I don’t Tweet…

 

MAN: Instagram?

 

CATHY: I’m not going to…

 

MAN: I have a sister. I know how it is with women. I am, at minimum, going to be making an appearance on a group text later. I’m positive of this. “Was sitting doing my mysterious recording when this guy burst in. Fucking madness. Wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t shut up. Sat here hoping he’ll drop dead soon.”

 

CATHY (laughing): I’m not going to text anyone about you.

 

MAN: Throw in some gifs… couple emojis… make your contribution to our advancing collective illiteracy…

 

CATHY: And you’re holding women’s group texts responsible for that?

 

MAN: Only in part.

 

CATHY: Who’s responsible for the other part?

 

MAN: Men’s group texts, obviously.

 

CATHY (laughing): Right, that’s alright, then.

 

MAN: So are you actively boycotting this party, or just taking a break?

 

CATHY: Just taking a break, I think.

 

MAN: Well when you’re finished with your break, do you think I could persuade you to dance with me?

 

CATHY: Um, I think… definitely, yes, you could definitely persuade me to do that.

 

MAN: Now?

 

CATHY: Now, yes, now is… now is good. Let me just grab my… (rustling, very close to audio equipment. She picks up the microphone. She laughs) I just realized, I don’t even— I’m Cathy. What’s your name?

 

MAN: Right, that’s an important one. I’m Henry Tilney.

 

_CATHY (voice-over): Yes. That, completely by accident, was my interview with Henry Tilney._

 

(The opening music begins again, and continues underneath.)

 

CATHY (voice-over): Next time, on Northanger Abbey…

 

_YOUNG WOMAN: God, once you’ve been around General Tilney… I mean, he’s terrifying, to be honest. Being in a room with him. Even a crowded room, you know? You just can’t forget he’s there._

 

MRS. ALLEN: Oh, poor Mrs. Tilney. She wanted to be buried here in Bath, actually. That’s what I heard. But it didn’t happen for some reason. Didn’t happen. All that money, you’d think he could bury her on the moon, if she wanted! But it didn’t happen.

 

_YOUNG WOMAN: There’s just something about him. A coldness in his eyes._

_CATHY: And had you ever heard the rumor before?_

_YOUNG WOMAN: That he killed his wife? Yes, of course. Oh, yes. Of course._

 

 


End file.
